The Face of a Statistic

October 11

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Tonight my heart is broken. Another loss. Loss at the end of incredible suffering, and another mother in Haiti who is feeling the intense pain of burying her son far too early, due to a simple and treatable sickness.

On Thursday I was holding him.

I prayed over him and treated him for parasites. Again. I claimed his little destiny for Christ and I discussed the importance of clean water with his mom.  I gave her diapers and made a note that it was about time to buy more rice and beans and oil for her family.

On Friday he was gone.

Just like that… into peace and joy sometime around 2AM.

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When I see the huge statistic numbers of children who are vulnerable and dying around this world my heart is overwhelmingly burdened for the suffering that plagues just Haiti even. How many sleep on dirt, have never known security, and how many will not see their fifth birthday due to things like dirty drinking water.

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However, today, my heart is so incredibly broken for the single life that made up a piece of those statistics. Loss looks totally different when it has a name and a face and a life. When a destiny is cut short… by something so preventable.

DC Medical Center

In these moments my words hold no justice as to how grateful I am for all that Danita’s Children is doing to ensure that less and less mothers are made to fight a seemingly hopeless battle with malnutrition – and so many other basic sicknesses that plague Haiti… for Danita for saying ‘yes’ and for taking on so much pressure and sacrifice to bring Christ, medical care, and dignity to the sick and broken.

A lighthouse is an understatement to all that the DC Medical Center is in Haiti.

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… & To my sweet boy, Daubins:

If I had known that this day would have been our last together I would have held you so much longer. I would have hugged you so much tighter. I would have laughed more and taken 172,000 pictures (even if they all looked just like this one). These last weeks were a tough fight but I would have absolutely exhausted every avenue at my disposal to attempt and change this outcome. I am confident that God knows the number of our days, and I am grateful for those that I had with you.

Your smile brought me so much joy and I am so sorry and so angry that your life ended due to malnutrition. Your life was not in vain, sweet boy, and I will keep you in my heart always.

Learn more about the DC Medical Center & help alleviate suffering in Haiti!

The wonder of His love.

My heart could never express enough gratitude.

Not so many years ago it was me who was so deeply broken and looking to identify anything of substance. Something deeper.

When I see the struggle of humanity it reminds me of myself – silently desperate for what I came to know as Jesus.

Today my prayer is that I would continually be overwhelmed at the reality of His mercy in my life. Of His grace for me. I screw up so much.

As I continue to grow in Him I am made more and more aware of the treasure that I have found in His arms. 

And more and more desperate to make it known to others.

God is love.

Pain, Heartache, and Identifying True Love

Tonight I am reminded of God’s heart.

How he is so close to those who are broken hearted.

How his heart is broken for those whose hearts are broken.

And how my own broken heart (while not minimized!) is so trivial in comparison.

I could never pretend to know or even try to understand the pain that accompanies the loss of a child. The intense void that grows in the days to follow and the seemingly endless journey of unanswered questions and “what if?” scenarios.Image

We fought for baby Bergly’s life. We sought out resources. We took him away to a better-equipped malnutrition center, unknowing to this mother that it would be her last time seeing her baby boy.

I don’t care where you are from or what kind of lifestyle you experience or how common poverty or death is around you: loss is loss and pain is pain, and no matter how often it happens, it hurts nonetheless.

Just hours after she found out of Bergly’s passing she stress induced and delivered a baby girl, HIV + and tiny, the same night. Immediately she was faced with mourning the loss of one child and taking on the responsibilities of a new child whose resemblance is enough to make it impossible. 

In a world of survival mourning is not an option. Crying is weak. And nobody has time for speaking of the past. Realizing that this overwhelmingly pained woman is rapidly stepping outside of her mind we took them in to better care for the situation on so many levels.

What broke my heart tonight was not the pain that this woman is enduring, it wasn’t the silent sobs that were coming from within her on her bed because she misses her baby son so deeply, but it was the look on her face as I comforted her when I told her that there were people here who love her. That Jesus loves her. I have no description. It was as if she had never heard the words, or maybe it was just this time that she first felt it to be true.

I’m not sure if she knows Jesus, but I can say that I know that she feels love here, so much that is overwhelms her. I don’t know what her life has looked like… desperate, worthless, lonely… whatever words would have described her I am beyond grateful to God that he allowed her into our path to identify true love – love that only comes from Him – and the only love that can truly heal her heart. 

God is love. His eye is on the sparrow. And he is hard at work.

Hope Within Ashes

So honored to be in the presence of Irving Roth again. His story reminds us that we must not remain silent for those who cannot speak up for themselves.

The Roaring 20s

“Always question the human morality of a person who is preaching to you, and please know that if he doesn’t have that it is a very dangerous thing.”- Irving Roth- Jewish Holocaust survivor

We had walked into a hunk house and all I saw was triple bunked beds lining the walls, as well as a row in the middle… until a human was placed with it. The survivor with us headed toward the bed, placed his left hand on a post, with an ID number tattooed across his arm, and said, “this twin bed was like mine, it held three prisoners.”

I’ve learned about Middle Eastern polotics. I’ve learned Judeo- Christian relations. I’ve learned the history of the Holocaust. Today I put emotion to all of those things.

I’m not sure what emotion goes with it all. I’m so upset that people lost their lives, their families, their legacies, their…

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Because She Said ‘Yes’

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God told her to build it.

He didn’t give her a plan. She is not a doctor. But she heard the voice of God. And, once again, she obeyed.

She obeyed and drew up plans. She met with teams. She sought out council. She spent more hours than people could ever comprehend and moments that only God is aware of, working and praying and traveling, in order to fulfill this promise that she made to God and to the people of Haiti.

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I mean, seriously, this woman deserves a raise.

In the last year and some months of my life I can say that watching God’s faithfulness to her vision is number one on my list of life lessons that I have been made deeply aware of.

He is so truly faithful to us.

He is faithful to his children. He is faithful to his promises. He is faithful to every desire of our hearts. He is present in our pain, in our triumphs, and even when we feel like He is absent – God is so very present.

Currently, we are pushing through the final stages of construction. Lesson #2 that I am continually being made aware of: Excellence and patience go hand in hand.

I am grateful to be a part – we have no comprehension of what God is birthing through Danita and Danita’s Children right now. We can’t even contain it in our understanding, what He is preparing and planning.

Because she obeyed. Because she said yes. Because she graciously presses forward when so many obstacles stand in her way. Not knowing or seeing what the future will hold.

It is because of her sacrifice and dedication to excellence that our new medical center will be opening, state-of-the-art, and equipped to rescue, love, and care for thousands and thousands of vulnerable and hurting people.

Danita: you are a woman who I have no words to describe… I am not even sure Proverbs 31 is on your level, and I am grateful to be a tiny part of the story of what God is doing through you in Haiti.

Simply Presented With Hope: 13 Boys Update

It was in this month, one year ago, that 13 little boys walked into our lives at Danita’s Children, and changed the atmosphere as we knew it.

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I remember that day like it was yesterday [read about it here]: the overwhelming feeling of sympathy, the literal sickness in their eyes, and the even worse sickness that was apparent in their broken little souls. That first night was one that I will never forget, and the weeks that followed were spent learning a lot of “firsts”. First time in using a toilet, first time doing nightly devotions, first time eating THREE times in one day, first time getting new clothes/shoes, and many other first that I will pull out as embarrassing memories when their 14.

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That group instantly attached themselves in our hearts and the atmosphere was filled with the presence of little ones again. I can’t imagine my life in Haiti without this precious group of boys, even more so, it overwhelms me to think about what their lives would be like if they would have never been driven onto our property in shocking surprise that day. They keep me laughing, that’s for sure!

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Today, they are all enrolled in school, learning to ride bikes and love going to church and singing worship songs. Some will still find their way to me during the day just to say “thank you” for something they received long ago – even just a meal or a small treat. Yesterday, Wes came up and stated in clear English: “Are you going out today?” I naturally replied back, “no, I’m staying here…” until I realized what was happening. He was full of pride with himself that he is learning English now.

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They truly are a testament to how quickly a life in changed when it is simply presented with hope. Their future is bright and they are all blazing ahead. I have spend so many moments this month thinking of these boys, and what that day was like when they plopped themselves right into the center of my heart.

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Saturday.

I took a few of the boys out today to help in the community.

It was originally as a discipline, but as time went by preceding this morning so many of the boys were coming to me saying, “Mami Hope – I was bad too… do I get to go help?” I forgot how much gratitude is at the heart of our children. 

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The boys were so helpful – washing clothes, sweeping and mopping, helping cook food – while I sat and visited with the womanwho we were helping. She sells us mangos each week and her children go to our school, and she was so happy that her Saturday wasn’t spent doing all these things. She felt so special and just kept saying, “I can’t believe you brought the boys to help work.”As if she was in disbelief. She is a good woman and she works hard for her children. Her house is small, but filled with the traditional Haitian decor – silk hanging plants and covers on the table to keep out the flies.

 

All in all it was a great Saturday, and a wonderful reminder of the many blessings that I obtain in this life alone. God is gracious to remind me with such tenderness, as it is so easy to forget.

God is love, and we are his hands and feet. Happy Saturday!

Christmas In Haiti: The Fun Don’t Stop

We don’t stop around here!

 

At the end of another whirl wind day in Haiti – this particular one saturated in Christmas spirit – I am feeling a mix of something like being run over by a truck and completely content after watching over 300 children receive possibly the only gift of their year.

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Each class brought decorations for their classroom  (true Haitian style with those silk plants) and sang Christmas carols, while eating cookies and juice.  There were a few renditions of “Feliz Navidad” for my Spanish folks, one class learned to say “Merry Christmas” in French, English, and Spanish, and one got fancy and build a 3-D model of our school building.

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Although being away from family and friends is always hard, there is something about knowing that although I will not receive presents on December 25, I will see hundreds of children who sleep in dirt and barely eat most days with a huge smile – and that, my friends, is completely satisfying!

PS: Talk about a double take – I discovered a new decoration placed in the boy’s bedroom this holiday season.

 

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Upon further review – uh oh,  wait, do I know them? – oh yes, that would the Holiday card from the Rivera family. Johnson is so excited that “his family in America” sent him photos that he wanted to show them off to all his friends. Thanks, Freddy & Missy – you made his world!

Next up: Christmas for the orphanage!

… and the elves continue! Merry Christmas from the TRUE North Pole! XO

Go To The Well & You Will Thirst No More.

I’ve been in Haiti for almost a year now, and the more I get to know these people, their stories, their families, the more they have become my friends and neighbors, the more my heart is burdened for my home and American society as a whole. We’ve really missed it. And not because we are blessed, because pleasure of this world are from the Lord. But because our hearts are in the wrong position.

These people who have nothing. And yet they have everything. They literally have nothing – no food, no water, no shelter, no education. I can’t imagine the anxiety that wrestles in their daily thoughts. They go to bed every night knowing they will not have enough. Burdened that their children will once again go to bed with hunger pains. And yet they are so full of joy and contentment and faith that Jesus knows right where they are.

This makes it hard for me to see our lives in America and not just be frustrated with all that I deemed so important for so long. We are consumed with what we don’t have. We have all this “stuff”…. just “stuff”, and yet our souls have nothing. What is “stuff”, what is money, what is status, what is a nice car when our souls are longing, day after day, in a silent desperation for something more?

Something deeper. Something to move us, compel us, or drive us to a place of compassion.

This is what Matthew is saying in chapter 10 when he says that we shouldn’t worry about what can kill our flesh, but rather what will kill our souls to hell.

I agree that people’s needs must be met. God provides for His people through us. But if all we give them is food and water, then they will return again tomorrow with an empty plate. However, if we meet the needs of their soul at the same time, then they will find themselves never thirsty again – a hope that remains as an anchor (Hebrews 6:11) in the darkest of days.

It’s really not that deep. When the opportunity presents itself within your circle of influence – take them to the well, and show them the water.

And I’m not referring to those serving in developing countries. I’m talking about at home, where the desperation and darkness is suffocating. IN THE PLACES YOU GO EVERDAY, where so many that you may never suspect are silently desperate.

And then be grateful for all that you have, shifting your heart away from any lack.

Our God is good. And oh, so faithful!